I hate these type of posts. Why can't all my posts be cute photos of my kids or backyard projects and that sort of thing? Things that are fun and cheery and happy? I wish I didn't have to post these sorts of things, but since so many people are caring and concerned I figured I should update the blog.
About two weeks ago I had a pretty bad seizure. It really caught me off guard because I hadn't had one in over 6 months, more like 9 months since I had been medicated on anti-seizure drugs before my brain surgery. The seizure caused numbness in my entire right side and left me unable to communicate during it. Scott gave me my anti-seizure meds and after sleeping off the worst headache of the century, I finally could talk and think again. The next three days were filled with headaches and sporadic weakness on my right side. My Dr. said that unless I had another seizure we'd just wait until June 1st for my planned scan.
The reason for this is that there was less than 10% chance that I'd have seizures again 6 months after my 2nd radiation surgery, so he wasn't totally surprised by my 'episode'. He figured I was just textbook for this 10%tile group. Later that same week I still hadn't had any seizures but I called and requested an MRI since I felt uneasy about waiting until June 1st.
Today I received my results back from this scan. The news is that my scan does look different than it did in March (my last healthy scan) and that the Dr. can't tell if its just necrosis (Dead tissue) or if its a growing tumor. I have an apt. one week from today (my Dr. is in Germany right now) to determine more. I start on a small dosage of steroids today.
I feel like I'm in a cloud right now. It doesn't seem real. I feel as though I'm reading a script of my life from last May and that I'm an actress in the play of my life.
Somehow I have to figure out how to manage with this return to steroids and the possibility of more treatment and I just don't feel strong enough. For the first time in a long time I just feel like "It's not fair!" I really don't want to go through this again. I want to be a normal mom..not a crazy mom. I want to be Heidi, not Heidi on drugs. I have to accept my limitations and its just really hard, really really hard.
Thanks for all the concern and prayers. I'll update the blog next week when I know more.
Love, Heidi
7 comments:
Jim told me about Scott's phone call. We are keeping you in our prayers as always. We pray that Heavenly Father will give you the strength to get through this. You are a remarkable lady and you are a very strong person who can and will face adversity straight on and win! We truly believe that! We love you and are trying to be patient until we get more news next Tues. Love, Pam
We love you and say prayers for you all throughout the day =) Love you lots!
Heidi, I'm praying for you and hoping God gives you the strength you need just to make it through the week. I'm sure everything will be okay. I just started reading Dieter Uchtdorf's book "The Remarkable Soul of a Woman" and the first thing I thought of was you. Keep me posted! =) Love you.
Oh, my dear friend. I can't say enough about how much I love you and your family. I have 2 friends dealing with cancer right now, and all I can think about my dear friend, Heidi, who set a great example of strength. You are one of the strongest people I know. Just know that it's OK to feel like life's not fair....personally I have to agree....BUT I do know that you have what it takes to face whatever lies ahead. Know that we LOVE you and wish you the best. I'm coming to Springville the first weekend in June....I wish it was closer. :D Maybe I'll ask my mom to drive me up to visit for awhile. Have your kids hug you for me. Miss you TONS.
We are thinking of you and praying for you always...keep us posted and know that you have many people behind you who are praying for your continued strength.
Thank you for your comment on my blog - it made me smile. I am definitely grateful to have a little more freedom now! I'm working with physical therapy to get motion back in my neck ... right now I can't turn from side to side like I should be able to. But, slowly, I'm seeing progress, so I just remind myself I was in the brace for 3 months, I'll probably need about that long to fully recover. :)
I'm so sorry to hear you've had a setback. It must be maddening to take a step backward when things have been so great lately! To a small degree, I understand how it feels to not be a "normal" mom. I pray that your upcoming appt brings positive news. Hang in there.
Love, Stefani
Heidi,
Thank you so much for sharing your news. I wish for you the strength to continue your fight, and believe that God will continue to give you that strength. I have another friend who is fighting breast cancer now. Her attitude reminds me so much of yours. Whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself, I count my blessings and thank you for setting an example of how to deal with adversity. You are an incredible woman, my friend, and I am blessed to have you met you. I miss you. Please feel my hug! Love, Jo
Post a Comment